Teenage kicks

At school I was a bit of a goody-goody. Never got a detention. Was never disciplined for anything. Once I got asked to stop talking about my English homework in a Textiles lesson, but that was about it. Oh, once I got told off for "skiving PE"... by sitting in the school library and doing a French translation. Wild, I wasn't.

Even outside of school, my hobbies stretched to reading, playing the piano, running my own mini-business, theatre - nothing that would give any parent a cause for alarm.

It's sad to admit, but the highlight of my weekend in my UVI year (when I was 18) was not the Friday night out to the pub with my friends, which I often forwent in favour of (sadly) the TV show Friends. In fact, many weekends I would come home from school on a Friday night, and not leave again until Sunday afternoon, when the highlight would occur.

Are you ready for this?

My highlight: on Sundays I occasionally used to take Mum's car (with Dad's supervision)... and drive to Tesco for my parents' weekly shop.

Did I listen to loud music? No. I had a Roxette album and some Rod Stewart which I played quite quietly. Did I stay out late? No - I was always home at least half an hour before I said I would be. Did I come home roaring drunk? Well, once or twice, but not until I'd left school. Did I throw up on the carpet? Actually, I'll take the fifth on that one.

My point is, I never quite got round to a teenage rebellion. I did well in exams, was involved in wholesome extra-curricular activities, took a year out with a sensible job, went to a good university and studied an academic subject.

Basically I forgot to have a teenage rebellion. My dad, ever mindful of this, has often warned me that it's probably lurking. He originally thought I'd have it when I was 22. He revised this a few years back to 26.

I mentioned this whilst I was out with my friends the other night, celebrating my 28th. "I think it's about time for my teenage rebellion," said I.

Sarah pondered this thoughtfully. "You need to be careful," she said. "At your age, it could get mistaken for a mid-life crisis."

Fuck.