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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Lingo bingo

Bullshit bingo is nothing new. The basic idea is that you go into a meeting with a chart with key business cliches on it, and when you've heard them all in the meeting, you shout out "bullshit!". These phrases would typically include:

Heads up
Key drivers
Optimisation
Goal oriented
Top down
Bottom up
Fast-track
Deliverables
Learnings
Quick win
Low-hanging fruit

... and let's be honest, the place I work uses at least as many of these phrases as the next company. In fact I was in a meeting today that used the phrase "value add" (this basically means "useful") seven times. As in, "We need to create a value-add process." I mean, really, fuck off.

But the thing that annoyed me the most is how several people have started using the phrase, "So I'm hearing something about..." (i.e. cross-selling optimisiation, goal-oriented value-add). Why not just say, "We need to cross-sell." Why "I'm hearing something about..."? It makes me imagine that these people have got small pixies on their shoulders telling them what to do in a very faint voice. "I'm hearing something about cross-selling from my little pixie, but he's talking in a very quiet voice today because I remembered to take my blue pill this morning."

Fuck fairies.

6 comments:

RD said...

"From a perspective of X, going forwards."

Sicky sicky sick.

Anonymous said...

"Fuck fairies"

So I'm hearing something about homophobes!

I would love to be in a meeting with the phrases "Top down" and "Bottom up"...

Erica said...

Laura, do you know what happens everytime you say fuck fairies?

A fairy gets fucked.

Lou said...

oh dear....I look after a Fast Track Programme, completely and utterly doomed!

Lou said...

I look after a Fast Track Programme. Doomed! Doomed! L x

Laura said...

Erica

If I say "I don't believe in fuck fairies", does a fairy die and *then* get fucked?

There's probably a website for it somewhere...

L x