Some background:
A few weeks ago, someone who may or may not have been Jack (it was Jack) managed to leave his or her (his) handbrake off. The car, which may or may not have been Jack's, (it was Jack's) rolled backwards very, very slowly down a slope too gentle to be seen by the naked eye and totalled a neighbour's brand new Mondeo.
And lo, there was much piss-taking.
So, someone who may or may not have been my brother (it was) texts me yesterday and says, "Laura, you should get Grand Theft Auto IV. It looks amazing."
To which I replied (obviously), "Is it realistic though? Can you leave your handbrake off and roll very gently into a family estate car?"
Jack (or not Jack) replied that he wasn't sure, but he thought you could rape someone with a shotgun. And he also remarked how things had changed and wondered what had happened to Sonic.
Well, I've done some research on this. Turns out Sonic went into rehab for excessive use of Speed. He's now living with his boyfriend Keith in Surrey, preaching at a local school for youth ex-offenders. He plays acoustic guitar.
Jack (or not Jack) told me that this is totally untrue. He says that Tails was always the pussy one, and in fact Sonic is (and I quote), "addicted to steroids and trying to come onto younger blue hogs in his exclusive 'celebrity' gym. He gets dirty looks from everyone for his insistence on only wearing shoes."
In other news Mario, of course, has turned his back on the lucrative game of plumbing (which is a shame as I need some new taps fitted) and is currently poncing his way round Mario Galaxy, trying to catch bunny rabbits and filling needy stars full of "snacky goodness". The next time I spend £40, I expect a genuine plumber, not some twat who keeps jumping on tortoises. I think the mushroom abuse speaks for itself.
Bomb Jack has been arrested on terrorism charges. He has been awaiting trial at Guantanamo Bay for six years.
No-one could complete the "Mayhem" level of Lemmings. They're all extinct now.
Let me know if you wish to track down any 80s-90s video game heroes. I'll do my best for you.
A few weeks ago, someone who may or may not have been Jack (it was Jack) managed to leave his or her (his) handbrake off. The car, which may or may not have been Jack's, (it was Jack's) rolled backwards very, very slowly down a slope too gentle to be seen by the naked eye and totalled a neighbour's brand new Mondeo.
And lo, there was much piss-taking.
So, someone who may or may not have been my brother (it was) texts me yesterday and says, "Laura, you should get Grand Theft Auto IV. It looks amazing."
To which I replied (obviously), "Is it realistic though? Can you leave your handbrake off and roll very gently into a family estate car?"
Jack (or not Jack) replied that he wasn't sure, but he thought you could rape someone with a shotgun. And he also remarked how things had changed and wondered what had happened to Sonic.
Well, I've done some research on this. Turns out Sonic went into rehab for excessive use of Speed. He's now living with his boyfriend Keith in Surrey, preaching at a local school for youth ex-offenders. He plays acoustic guitar.
Jack (or not Jack) told me that this is totally untrue. He says that Tails was always the pussy one, and in fact Sonic is (and I quote), "addicted to steroids and trying to come onto younger blue hogs in his exclusive 'celebrity' gym. He gets dirty looks from everyone for his insistence on only wearing shoes."
In other news Mario, of course, has turned his back on the lucrative game of plumbing (which is a shame as I need some new taps fitted) and is currently poncing his way round Mario Galaxy, trying to catch bunny rabbits and filling needy stars full of "snacky goodness". The next time I spend £40, I expect a genuine plumber, not some twat who keeps jumping on tortoises. I think the mushroom abuse speaks for itself.
Bomb Jack has been arrested on terrorism charges. He has been awaiting trial at Guantanamo Bay for six years.
No-one could complete the "Mayhem" level of Lemmings. They're all extinct now.
Let me know if you wish to track down any 80s-90s video game heroes. I'll do my best for you.
1 comment:
Surprised there were no comments on this - very funny!
RSN
Post a Comment