Screwed

So, Boris Johnson is in charge of my city. Let me just say that again. Boris Johnson is in charge of my city.

I wouldn't put him in charge of looking after a stuffed toy, let alone one of the biggest, most culturally-complicated cities in the world.

Now admittedly, there are many, many people I'd rather have in charge than old newt-faced, bus-destroyer Ken, but Boris? Boris? Who voted for him? Why? Is it just the cult of celebrity. "Ooh, doesn't he have pretty hair, and wasn't he funny on Have I Got News For You?" Yes, he was funny on that. I was actually in the studio audience once when he hosted the show, and believe it or not, when the cameras are off, he's a lot brighter than he lets on. I don't have a problem with that. Play the buffoon all you want on TV.

But listen to the albino mop actually talk "seriously" about politics for more than about three and a half seconds, and very quickly you realise a) he is very arrogant without b) any knowledge at all on the subject. I think he probably expects his butler to do the hard work on his behalf. It's not his job to know the facts. This is a man who said as part of a previous campaign that people would drive nicer cars and voters' wives would have bigger breasts under the Conservatives.

To be fair to Boris though, if his track record is anything to go by, your wives' breasts would almost certainly be under a Conservative.