The following entry contains adult material. Proceed with caution.
So, I was out with an unidentified friend, an unspecified number of nights ago. Obviously, I know who the friend was, and when I went out with her. I'm not quite so desperate for friends that I go on blind friendship dates. Yet.
Unidentified friend (let's call her Louise, because I don't have any friends called Louise) was telling me about a new guy she'd started seeing. This guy sounds perfect for her - shares lots of her interests, is really tall (this is important for her, as she's pretty tall herself) and is a genuinely nice guy - he definitely had potential. She'd been seeing him for a little while, and things had... progressed. This was the conversation we had in the coffee shop:
Louise: The thing is, he's a really nice guy.
Me: I know. You said.
Louise: But... he's got a really, really small willy.
Me: Oh. How small?
Louise illustrates with a coffee-shop sized packet of sugar. This is not a good sign.
Louise: I was scared to put it in my mouth in case I swallowed it.
Me: Ah.
Louise: I'm on such a downward spiral you know. Every guy I've slept with has had a smaller one than the guy before. The way this is going, the next guy I shag will have a clitoris.
Me: Oh dear. But he's a nice guy though.
Louise: I know, and it shouldn't matter. But it really, really does. You know what the worst thing was?
Me: Go on.
Louise: He didn't even apologise.
That is bad. The bad grace of having a disappointingly-proportioned appendage and not even having the decency to apologise. And I know this is the noughties, and we should all be caring about personality and all that rubbish, but I did feel sorry for Louise and her little packet of sugar. At least blokes have a rough idea of what they're getting before the clothes are removed.
Any comments speculating on the real life identity of Louise will be removed... Let's not be mean!
4 comments:
Does this mean you're what gay men call a "size queen"? ;o)
I have no idea what that means, or who you are or why you're so up on gay lingo...
Louise would seem to fit that description though.
is louise you?
oooo i know what a size queen is....im sure it was on sex and the city.....basically someone only intereseted in size...the female equivalent of a builder shouting at someones tits from a medium sized crane
I very nearly deleted the last comment, as it was speculating on Louise's identity. But the medium-sized crane thing made me chuckle, so I left it in.
I've never seen one quite as small as a sugar packet...
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