I love stalking, I do

"When I needed a neighbour, were you there, were you there? When I needed a neighbour, were you there?"

Yes, yes I was. (Though you might not have heard me. I was the one hammering on the floor with an old Nike.)

"I was hungry and thirsty, were you there, were you there? I was hungry and thirsty, were you there?"

Yes, if you remember, I was at the restaurant with you. We both had a starter and a main course and we shared a dessert. We split the bill. Remember? You fancied the waitress.

"I was cold, I was naked, were you there, were you there? I was cold, I was naked, were you there?"

Hey, hey, steady on a minute with the accusations. No I wasn't! There are a lot of people who look like me. Why would I be in Balham on a Thursday night? I don't live anywhere near Balham. I didn't even know you were going to be naked. That was a bonus - I mean, coincidence, I mean - I wasn't there. So it doesn't matter. Stop questioning me!

Wherever you travel (even if it's Balham), I'll be there, I'll be there...

A hymn to stalking. What more could I want?