Carbing on

Last night I began to feel slightly sick. A bit faint and wobbly, and very definitely sick. Part of this may have been that I was watching a film with Gwyneth Paltrow in, and she was very, very thin. I became a little bit obsessed with her pointy bones. Yuck.

I thought about what I'd eaten over the last twenty-four hours:

• A bacon omelette
• A chicken Caesar salad
• Lots of coffee
• Some raw carrots and cheese and chive dip

Without meaning to at all, I'd accidentally been following the Atkins plan for more than a day. To rectify this situation, I immediately ate two bags of crips and a Mars Bar.

Believe it or not, I felt no better at all. In fact, I threw up quite profusely. Dieticians know nothing.