"I'm very sorry but your dentist, Mr Stefansson, passed away on Monday."
"Oh," I said. "The thing is, I've never been to this dentist before. So he wasn't really my dentist. But I am sorry."
"It is OK. We have new dentist," the Icelandic receptionist informed me. I live in Bethnal Green. A cockney dentist - possible. An Asian dentist - likely. This appeared to be an entirely Scandanavian dentist surgery. On the Roman Road. With a slightly worrying mortality rate.
After establishing what I do for a living, my new dentist (still, at the time of writing, alive), tried to convince me that he had no NHS funds left this year, and I'd have to go private.
"Well, what are the differences between private and NHS?"
"Shorter waiting times."
"Not a problem for me - I'm happy to wait a few weeks."
"Well, um, we use better materials for private patients. The sky's the limit. Dentistry's always changing."
"So, you use substandard materials on NHS patients?"
"Erm, no. But we have new technology for private patients."
"But I only want a check up. And that won't be for another six months."
"You'll have to join the waiting list."
"How long is the waiting list?"
"About two weeks."
His sales pitch didn't convince me.
I made an appointment with the hygienist on the way out. This will cost me forty pounds. The Icelandic receptionist said, "Is there any way you can leave a deposit - maybe twenty pounds?"
I looked at her incredulously. I have been practising that look.
"Well, maybe ten pounds then?"
Aha - she had folded, and clearly shown me she just wanted some cash to go out on the town with tonight. Probably to some Icelandic bar where everyone is tall and blonde. (If anyone knows where this bar is, please do email me.)
"No, I don't think so," I said. "I've never been asked for a deposit by a dentist before."
"OK," said the receptionist.
Laura - 1 : Icelandic dentists - 0
I don't mean to imply there are no Icelandic dentists. I'm sure there are lots. Just one fewer than this time last week, apparently.
1 comment:
One day you will have enough dentist anecdotes to fill a book!
My dentist does not ask for a deposit, but they do ring you up on the morning of your appointment to check you're out of bed, got your shoes on, left enough time in case of traffic, that kind of thing. Very helpful.
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