Overheard

I grabbed twenty minutes at lunch yesterday to sit in the sun at the Southend office.

"Anyway, you should never say that to a guy about his penis," said the man with greasy hair, who was sat a few feet away from me.

"Why not?" asked the girl with Argos jewellery.

"It can fuck-up a bloke's self-esteem bigtime. If a girl said that to me, I'd say to her that it's not my fault her crack's so big I'd get my head stuck up it. I would as well."

Lovely. Southend, I salute you.