So I was at the wedding with my friend Adam (Ads) and another friend - let's call him Ned. Ned introduced us to his new girlfriend. Let's call her Stupid Kiwi. Ned had recently started going out with Stupid Kiwi, who was separated from her husband. We were all sat at the table and were very polite to each other.
Except Ads and I had been at the wedding for quite a long time already, whereas Ned and Stupid Kiwi had only just shown up. In a moment of conversation making, I had asked Ads, hypothetically, in a gay-sex situation, would he rather be bummer or bumee. He opted for bummer. We were giggling about this (somewhat inappropriately) over dinner. Ned asked what we were laughing about.
Ads said, "I was just saying that, if I had to, I'd be the bummer rather than the bumee."
"Steady on mate, you're saying you want to bum my girlfriend? You've only just met her," joked Ned. How we laughed. Stupid Kiwi pretended to look shocked. All was jolly.
"Well, she does look the type," I joked, perhaps taking things a bit too far, but shooting her a smile to show it was all in good humour.
Stupid Kiwi whispered something to Ned. "Don't say it to me, say it to her," said Ned.
Stupid Kiwi said, "I'm married, and respectable, so maybe you should watch your f***ing mouth."
This took me aback a bit. Not the swearing, not even the over-reaction... but the fact that her logic was this flawed. Yes, she was married, but not to the bloke she was shagging. Her logic was crap enough to present the fact that she was an adulteress as supposed evidence of her respectability.
But when I was nice enough to point out her logical error to her, I was told quite sternly to leave it. Some people just won't take the help you offer.
It's taken me 26 years, but I've finally found a New Zealander I don't like. And I bet she does take it up the arse.
3 comments:
There goes that job in the Diplomatic Corps....
I know what would have helped the situation Laura, quoting the line 'the lady doth protest too much' and scoffing when she didn't understand the reference and wasn't able to tell you which scence from Hamlet it was from.
perhaps you could also have found some dog poo and rubbed her nose in it
saying that,i bet she took it up the arse too, dirty Kiwis always do
everyone knows the rhyme....
There once was a girl from Timaru
who woke up with her arse black and blue
she'd forgotten her night,
with the prick in her shite
though the bed was still covered in poo
J
"The lady protests too much, methinks" - and it doesn't actually mean what most people think. See: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/List_of_misquotations
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