"OK," said I. "I shall be in charge of Sunday then."
"I've booked two plays and a metaphysical clown," Nice Kate continued.
"Sorry, I misheard," I said. "I thought you said 'and a metaphysical clown'."
"That's right," said Nice Kate. "A metaphysical clown. It won't be red noses and wigs and rubbish - it'll be really good."
"I hate clowns. I've learned the hard way that just because they have big shoes, it doesn't mean they have big..."
"Anyway, I've booked it," asserted Nice Kate.
Fast forward to Saturday. We entered the venue. A clown with a wig and a red nose hilariously snatched away the programme he was trying to give me and made a squeaky noise. Over the course of the next hour, the following things happened:
- Clown A mimed he was trapped against a piece of glass
- Clown B came onstage dressed as a Japanese warrior and did a "moving" dance to a pretentious piece of music. (Admittedly this did give me the biggest laugh of the entire festival - for utterly the wrong reasons. I was laughing so hard, I was a little bit sick into my mouth.)
- The audience was hilariously soaked with water pistols
- Clown A pretended he was going to hang himself. I couldn't stop myself from whispering a little bit too loudly, "Just fucking do it."
I hate clowns. And Nice Kate.
3 comments:
'Coulrophobia' is a perfectly normal state I think -in fact, there should be a word meaning its opposite, 'coulrophilia' I guess, which should be the more unusual state. You are not alone!!
http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/12/messages/567.html
iMac Hunt here.
I take it you didn't get to see "Freaks in the box" which I rated as the best show at the Fringe(see Chortle) They were a pair of adult clowns with prosthetic penii, err it was scary mind you, never before realised that I was a coulrophobic?
I really enjoy your blog I ought to say here.
Regards
Thanks for your nice feedback - always good to know someone's actually reading any of this!
Missed the prosthetics... Thankfully.
Not scared of clowns, just hate the useless fuckers. I mean, what sort of adult prances around on stage with the sole intention of making themself look stupid so that other people laugh?
Oh, right. I'll get my coat.
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