Bullets (not the sort you buy in supermarkets over here)

Today Americans have been winding me up. And French people. French people are genuinely rude. I love it when racial stereotypes come true.

Annoying American Habits (part one):

• Cutting right in front of you to wander down the street, then stopping dead a few metres ahead, with an expression of utter bewilderment on their faces, as if they've temporarily completely forgotten why they're there. I still haven't worked out what's distracting them. It could be the shiny lights, or a paper bag blowing past in the street.

• No-one in the whole of New York a) sells stamps or b) knows where to buy them. This is not a massive problem, as postcards will only be going out to my grandparents, and it'll be as quick to post them when I get back to the UK. But seriously not to know where you can buy stamps? For fuck's sake.

• The particularly stupid American I sat next to this evening at Legally Blonde - The Musical. He proceeded to tell me a) I sound like I'm from Manchester. I would have let this one pass, had he not (proudly) proceeded to tell me that he's pretty good with accents. Can even tell an Australian from a British accent. Unfortunately not his arse from his elbow though. He then went on to tell me how not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslims. I mentioned the IRA. He said, "Is that still going awwwn?" Blagh. I farted towards him during the intermission.

• The advert I saw, saying, "Some medications you're on can cause problems and symptoms of their own." 'Oh good,' thought I, 'finally maybe an advert for people to cut down their drugs or perhaps some sort of homeopathic remedy'. Not so. This was a new pill you could take to reduce the symptoms caused by your other medication. Great. Ditto the advert on the underground train: "Is your current antidepressant not working?" What the fuck? The assumption that we're all on antidepressants? Now, I have no problem with people who need to be taking antidepressants, but to assume that it's worth advertising about on a public transport system is a bit sick.

• Unquestioning patriotism. An American flag comes out and people literally start cheering and whooping. Americans like noise and themselves. This is why America is Very Far Away from the other continents.

• The ridiculous wastefulness. Every time you buy a sandwich for example, it's triple wrapped with far too much filling (most of which I bin) and a whole stack of paper napkins... This evening I asked for a fork with my fruit salad, and two plastic forks were put in my bag. I genuinely cannot imagine a circumstance where I would need two forks to eat one fruit salad. If I was intending on sharing the fruit salad, I would have asked for two forks. I honestly believe America could halve its plastic (and oil) consumption by just being a little bit more conscious.

• And a little bit less fat.

OK, that all sounds a bit negative. I am having a good time over here, and a lot of Americans are bright and do understand satire; it's the country that brought us South Park after all. There just isn't much self-reflection in a lot of the people / TV I've seen - just a scary assumption that everything they're doing is right, and all of the other countries are wrong.

When in actual fact, everything I do is right, and anyone who disagrees with my own personal world views (which often change from one day to the next) is wrong. Glad we cleared that up. Listen up, America!