I have wasps living inside my window frame. Surely this cannot be normal. I do not know of anyone else who has wasps living inside their window frame.
Tower Hamlets council handled things with their usual efficiency. "Are the wasps in your loft?" she asked me.
"No. Well, they might be. I never go in my loft. There might even be a body in there," said I.
"So you'd like to report a body in your loft," the council woman said - not quite as incredulously as one might have hoped.
"No, no. Just wasps."
"In the loft?" she asked.
"No. In the window frame," said I.
"Wasps in the window frame," she confirmed. "Not above the window frame?"
"No. Actually inside the window frame. I've watched them go in and out."
"So, we've got an appointment for you on May 14th for removal of the wasps' nest. I'm just going to put you through to environmental health about the body in the loft. Please hold."
5 comments:
No no no, you've got it all wrong. If you've got a body in the loft it's ants you want, not wasps. Ants'll strip the flesh something marvellous, leaving you with a squeaky clean skeleton that will then become all cob-webby and romantic in a 1930s horror film kinda way.
If you're going to start keeping ants though, be sure to wash all sugary substances off your skin before going to bed at night.
Oh, and keep all sweet snacks in a combination safe. Ants are strong, but they're no good with numbers.
Anyway, best of luck with it all!
Oh, if the ants get out of hand, I know a geezer with some baby anteaters for sale - he'll sort you out a good deal if you take a couple off his hands.
Laura you know what's going to happen next - it'll be like that woman who made the 'harmless joke' about having guns in her suitcase - you'll have SWAT teams on your doorstep to search out all the dead bodies in your house. Interrogations, arrests etc...taped recording of your phone call in court...
Maybe I am just paranoid about scary authorities after living in France???
Following on from the ant advice above, can you let me know if you do get ants, and let me have some? I have started an ant farm, but keep getting the wrong types, they're difficult to catch. If not, I know a company that'll send you some in the post, although there's no guarantee of them arriving alive.
Wasps... [Shudder]
Have you all gone mad? Is this what the nice weather does to you? Back in your boxes, Ploggers!
Jo - do you really keep ants? Is that the only sort of pet they let you have in France? Are all the other pets on strike?
L x
Wasps!
I would have been evicted, having set fire to the window frame and burned the village to the ground.
Great Post.
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