Over the moon

It started off so promisingly. My kitchen fitter's quotation was reasonable, he carried all of my floor tiles up from my car, he even waited in for the delivery for me. Once, when he'd accidentally left my gas switched off, he even drove for an hour to come and turn it back on for me. He was clearly a sweetie.

But the relationship is inevitably beginning to sour. The honeymoon period is over. The first flecks of dissatisfaction occurred on Friday. I had been out every single night last week, and Friday was my one night in. I was also out all day and evening on Saturday, so Friday I was intending to (in no particular order)

• Catch up on Sky+
• Order a takeaway pizza
• Chill out, possibly involving slippers

Sadly this was not to be. Despite not working any other evening this week, after disappearing for "a few minutes" at 6 p.m., said kitchen fitter returned at 8 p.m. and did another two hours' work. It is impossible to chill out and watch TV with a kitchen fitter drilling your flat to fuck. Particularly when he turns the arsing electricity off, meaning all your carefully-set-up Sky+ programmes don't record.

Never mind, thought I, as I would be out all day Saturday and we wouldn't be in each other's way. I returned from a rather good hen night (thank you for asking), joying at the anticipation of my newly-tiled kitchen. My hen night bunny ears twitched with excitement. Oh no. He didn't work Saturday. Instead he told me he'd come on Sunday (my relaxation day). So, duly, I'm up and waiting for him to turn up. His phone is switched off.

Workmen (and possibly women) do this far too much - don't turn up when they say they will, take far longer than they estimate to complete the job, and then fuck off leaving you with no oven / water / electricity. There needs to be some sort of legal deterrent. I'm thinking the death penalty. Anyone with me?