- Brook Waters (a boy at my primary school. His mum was an artist, and every year I'd get upset when he and his sister won the Easter egg decorating competition, because it was so obvious that they'd had help from their mum. My mum had helped too, but she's shit at art. One year, memorably, she tried to recreate a fox-hunting scene, complete with chocolate "earth" and bushes made from oregano from the garden. On the top of a hen's egg. Brook won. Again.)
- Lee King (as above. His sister was called Michelle, but that wasn't funny. He was a couple of years older than me at primary school. His special skill was being able to burp the alphabet through to G. To this day, no-one's sure if his burping ability wasn't that great, or he just didn't know the rest of the letters.)
- Joe King (no relation to either of the above. Possibly the least funny person I've ever met.)
- Charlotte Webb (secondary school friend. Perfectly nice, normal person. Spidery name.)
- Rita Tart (a licensee at the Bingo hall in Coalville. Admittedly I haven't actually met her, but I want to because she's got a great name.)
- Vicky Pollard (friend of a colleague who presumably went through life for 30 years with
a perfectly normal name - along comes Little Britain and turns her into a freak.)
- Ewan Kerr (how much did his parents hate him, do you think? "Mr and Mrs Kerr, it's a boy!" "Fantastic - what shall we call him? Wayne?" "Don't be stupid, Mrs Kerr - Wayne Kerr? People will laugh. How about Ewan?" "Lovely.")
Please use the comments to tell me of people you've met with stupid names, and how you know them. I'm thinking of writing a book. But I'm a few pages short at the moment. Has to be someone you actually know though.
7 comments:
I know Brook Waters too - he was at that fishy day thing we did! Do you remember that?
We also know someone called Michael Jackson... who stalked a friend of ours!
I did a function for a couple getting married. Her surname was Gorma. Can you imagine her delight at getting married - finally she gets to change her surname...to Gormley...
I'm remaining semi-anonymous for this one...
H xx
Nah - Brook had left our primary school before we went into the juniors. He definitely wasn't at our fishy day. (I might write a Plog on this very strange day sometime.)
However, he did used to be an enthusiastic member of our joint choir, which might be where you remember him from (other interests of Brook's included ballet and My Little Pony - funny the things you remember.)
LOVED the Gorma story. Did she just go through the phone book and call the next entry, or what?
Okay, I haven't actually met him, but the man with with the greatest name in the history of the world is the mighty Stuart Organ, who used to play Mr. Robson in Grange Hill. Even Moon Unit Zappa can't beat that.
Kate, will you please stop being consistently funnier than me? You're making me look bad.
However, are you still in touch with Bernice Garlic? Because I was at school with a Kim Onions. We used to have a rhyme (to the tune of John Brown's Body), "Kim Onions has onions in her pants, onions in her pants, onions in her pants. Kim Onions has onions in her pants, and that's what makes her smell."
Of course I never sang it, because that would be cruel.
Ooh, Pickett Lumpkin! How Dickensian. I imagine. (Not started "Great Expectations" yet...)
And randomly, I think I had a conversation with someone else, many years ago, about Stuart Organ. Wasn't you, was it, Anonymous?
L x
i went to secondary school with a guy. i had been in his class for 4 years, and we were sat in a biology lesson. i suddenly turned to him and said 'i just realised, your name is Mike Reese' and then i laughed quietly to myself for the next few weeks. true story
his email address is something like my_crease_your_face if you'd like to remind him how silly his name is.
i also met a composer called Gay Wang...apparently he didn't find his name as funny as i did. you live and learn
true story
Jack
My good friend Penny has asked me to add to this on her behalf:
"Silkie Hymen. Honest. Apparently a popular German surname; slightly less common in Paddington, but that's a genuine name of ozzie Pete's work colleagues (in civil engineering, not porn). Lucky girl. "
Not sure if it's the surname or the hymen that's less common in Paddington... Great name!
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