Name calling

I have actually met people with the following names:

• Brook Waters (a boy at my primary school. His mum was an artist, and every year I'd get upset when he and his sister won the Easter egg decorating competition, because it was so obvious that they'd had help from their mum. My mum had helped too, but she's shit at art. One year, memorably, she tried to recreate a fox-hunting scene, complete with chocolate "earth" and bushes made from oregano from the garden. On the top of a hen's egg. Brook won. Again.)

• Lee King (as above. His sister was called Michelle, but that wasn't funny. He was a couple of years older than me at primary school. His special skill was being able to burp the alphabet through to G. To this day, no-one's sure if his burping ability wasn't that great, or he just didn't know the rest of the letters.)

• Joe King (no relation to either of the above. Possibly the least funny person I've ever met.)

• Charlotte Webb (secondary school friend. Perfectly nice, normal person. Spidery name.)

• Rita Tart (a licensee at the Bingo hall in Coalville. Admittedly I haven't actually met her, but I want to because she's got a great name.)

• Vicky Pollard (friend of a colleague who presumably went through life for 30 years with
  a perfectly normal name - along comes Little Britain and turns her into a freak.)

• Ewan Kerr (how much did his parents hate him, do you think? "Mr and Mrs Kerr, it's a boy!" "Fantastic - what shall we call him? Wayne?" "Don't be stupid, Mrs Kerr - Wayne Kerr? People will laugh. How about Ewan?" "Lovely.")

Please use the comments to tell me of people you've met with stupid names, and how you know them. I'm thinking of writing a book. But I'm a few pages short at the moment. Has to be someone you actually know though.