I would like a new kitchen. A nice, shiny new kitchen with a sparkly new oven. I would like someone to install it for me and redecorate it for me. I would like the whole thing done with minimum inconvenience at a not-ridiculous cost. Ideally I'd actually like someone to choose the sodding kitchen for me, as I find it very difficult to hold opinions on wood-effect MDF.
Last night the man from Moben came to my flat. He had obviously already decided I couldn't afford his kitchen. He asked several utterly inappropriate questions, such as whether or not I had a man who needed to help me choose, and by the way, what do I do for a living: did I work in the City? He refused to leave any useful sketches with me. He told me, "Every girl should know where her stopcock is." I swear if I hadn't moved out of the way, he'd have patted me on the head and called me Treasure.
My favourite moment was when this salesman - yes - salesman, forgot my name.
Brilliant.
Oh, and by the way - imagine a very small kitchen. Now shrink it a bit. That's my kitchen. And he wanted £9000 for it. Not including tiles. Or decorating. And of course I was being ridiculous to think they could replace the doors on my boiler cupboard so they matched the rest of the kitchen. His genuis suggestion? "You could paint them."
1 comment:
Do sparkly new ovens now come with a 'perfect jacket potato' button?
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