There has been a police helicopter circling above my flat for the last fifteen minutes. It's getting really annoying. Well, partly annoying, and partly worrying... what have they found in my neighbourhood that requires a helicopter?
I live in a very urban area - it's hardly like they're searching fields for stuff, and they're far too high up to be able to see registration plates on cars. Nor is it the air ambulance (and if it was, whoever needed them would be utterly fucked by now).
My theory is this: one of the members of the force at Bethnal Green police station got a new patrol car. His colleague was a bit jealous, so ordered himself a slightly better patrol car. This escalated until Sergeant Holdsworth came in one day with a top-end Ferrari*, complete with jam sandwich branding.
Then, the policeman with the smallest willy thought, "Sod this," and bought a helicopter. On expenses. Thing is, parking's at a premium in Bethnal Green, so he can't actually land it anywhere at the moment. He's circling and hoping to find a parking space.
Thing is, they tow you if you park on the street in Bethnal Green without a permit. I recommend applying to the council. They will helpfully allocate him a space that already belongs to someone else, then issue the wrong permits. He will then have to go and pick his helicopter up from the HeliPound, paying £300 in release fees. This fee will then be claimed in expenses and will be covered by the council.
I think I need more sleep. If only that bastard's helicopter would sod off.
* Is there a bottom-end Ferrari? I have no idea.
PS Isn't today's title genius? Oh, come on...
2 comments:
Why is it that your scenario is entirely credible?
Nice one!
RSN
That scenario is never really going to happen, not until pigs fly..er hang on!
Only 3 hyphens, sad but true.
Post a Comment